I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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