I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
