we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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