Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i out mim tonsoeep
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