I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
