If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude. I can hear the air.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
