Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
