you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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