she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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