Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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