My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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