So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
