this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
