Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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