I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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