ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
