So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
