Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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