Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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