.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
