Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
