I hope mine doesn't look like that
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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