Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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