we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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