i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
