bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
