Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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