Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
