Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
