he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
