When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize