The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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