Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you never un-have a 4some
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
