people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
