its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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