Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
