You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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