just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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