Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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