My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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