...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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