I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
