I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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