Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize