the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
