You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
