She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
