You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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