I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I did not marry a roomba.
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