dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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