I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
