I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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