I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
