Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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