Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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