I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
