Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
