What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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