He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
