i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They took my balls.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
