Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
